Husband, Your Wife Needs Financial Stability.

Gentlemen, please permit me to explore a touchy subject. It has to do with your wife and her job. In terms of providing for the family, I put that responsibility solely on the man in the relationship. Why? Because as MEN, that’s what we do. We ACCOMPLISH things and we BUILD things and we stay on top of things. At least we SHOULD be doing that right?

Your wife looks to you to provide the basic necessities of food, clothing, shelter, utilities, transportation, and a little excitement and fun. If you can do that, then your wife will be able to make the house into a home, raise happy kids, entertain friends and guests, and enrich the lives of everyone around her including you. However, if your wife has to help provide the basic necessities of life as well, then she cannot do these things.  At best, she may not be able to devote any energy into the home or to your marriage, and at worst, she may resent you BIG TIME.

Consider these scenarios:

1) A husband got laid off from his job and is on unemployment.  Meanwhile his wife is working two part time jobs.  She comes home from her 2nd job, then cooks, cleans, and gives the kids a bath.  Over the weekend she’s got the kids with her as she shops for groceries and runs errands.  On her way home she’s thinking, “Is this all there is??”

2) Another man works 40 hours a week and when he gets home each day, he see his wife for 20 minutes, then she’s off to work.  He puts a TV dinner in the microwave and starts heating it up.  Then he sits down at the home projector screen and watches some TV.  When his wife gets home from her job, he’s fast asleep in the Lazy Boy recliner.

3) Yet another man works 60+ hours a week.  His wife doesn’t work, but she spends her week chauffeuring the kids around to various soccer games and dance recitals.  On the weekends his kids say to him, “Can I have some money?” and his wife is spending time at the salon.  He thinks to himself, “What am I, an ATM?”

All three of the above scenarios have one thing in common: A lack of balance and no focus on what’s important in life.

The first guy is SURE to have some major resentment against him from his wife.  Because he doesn’t do ANYTHING.  If he can’t find a job, the LEAST he could do is help around the house or watch the kids or do the grocery shopping.  He has forgotten that financial stability is something he needs to provide FOR his wife.

The second couple is also in trouble, they both work to pay for their nice house and their awesome furniture and entertainment systems, but they don’t have time for each other.  Stuff does not bring happiness, so having both spouses working to pay for STUFF will not lead to a happy marriage.

The third man is flat out being USED.  He’s done too much of the PROVIDING that there is no QUALITY TIME with anyone.

So where is this balance found?

The balance is found in living below your means.  It is the MAN working to provide the basic necessities of life, plus a little extra to have some family fun.  It is the WOMAN nurturing the relationships and making the home a comfortable place for everyone.  When these things are not in balance, we see the following symptoms:

1) The man loses self esteem because he’s not providing at a level he should be.

2) The woman feels fear because the house and home are vulnerable to financial ups and downs.

3) The woman resents and does not respect a man who cannot provide for her.

4) The man and the woman are chasing happiness by going after material things.

5) The man and the woman have no time for each other.

Please don’t get me wrong.  I am not against your wife working.  I DO believe, however, that it should be her choice to work because she WANTS to and not because she HAS to.  All the money the man makes should pay for bills, food, and a little fun.  The money a wife makes, if she makes any at all, should be gravy.  The thing to remember is that a wife who works should always have the opportunity to QUIT working and raise children if life calls her to do that.

Did I ruffle any feathers?  Please let me know if you agree or disagree.  I appreciate your comments!

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Comments

  1. Potter says:

    I agree. The biggest reason why we have failed so much and this is a trap everyone has fallen into by society is that people do not live bellow their means.

    College loans, credit cards, mortgages, and car loans can be used for good. But ultimately they are setup to be a trap.

  2. David Bibby says:

    Thanks for the comment. Couples shouldn’t try to get too much too fast because then they will both be forced to work to pay for it all. This is a recipe for disaster to both your finances and your marriage.

    Men must lead the family in the direction for the greater good.

  3. Louie says:

    My wife is a stay at home mom. My salary is quite high so there is no reason for her to work. We feel that her energy is better spent raising the kids and doing volunteer work for the church.

    I am working hard at reducing my personal debts as per David’s eBook which I HIGHLY recommend to anyone that wants to be debt free. Provided that my job remains stable, we will be totally debt free in 3.5 years, which is about the time that both kids will be in school full time. After that, we will experience a huge up swing in quality of life. My wife will have more time and money at her disposal than she has ever had before. That may present me with some interesting new problems, but I will deal with those when I get there. She is already talking about a kitchen reno :)

  4. David Bibby says:

    Thanks for the comments Louie, and for the mention regarding my ebook. I’m glad things are working well for you!

  5. Anon says:

    I am posting this anonymously. Not because I am ashamed or because my husband doesn’t know this, but because I’m not going to “trash” him in public.

    He and I almost divorced over this when we really didn’t even know this was the issue. You see, he is “artistic” which is beautiful and fun, but doesn’t pay the bills unless you’re a savant or lucky. I am more “goal driven” and therefore had a solid career path that could make a lot of money for us one day.

    We thought it would work.

    It doesn’t.

    I do love when he can do something he loves, but I don’t want to shoulder most of the financial responsibility. I didn’t know I would mind so much. I didn’t know this would stress our marriage as it did. I found out that I wanted to be “taken care of” much more than I realized. I resented when he would flounder from job to job just because it wasn’t exactly perfect. I didn’t understand why he didn’t just tough it out–I mean, my job wasn’t all flowers and unicorns every day, but you work to pay bills…not for entertainment. =)

    There is a lot to be said for enjoying your work, but sometimes you have to provide despite how much you (dis)like your job because it is the responsible thing to do. He didn’t get that and I didn’t understand why he didn’t.

    We’ve worked it out. I’m still the breadwinner for now, but he’s working on a career path now that could really take him places. I pray it happens eventually because despite what I THOUGHT I wanted once in our lives, I really don’t want to do this anymore.

  6. David Bibby says:

    Anon,

    Thank you for your comment. I’m glad that you were able to put a finger on what was wrong in your marriage. There are more and more instances of “Role Reversal” in the world today. Women working to take care of the household and men unemployed and “holding out” for something better.

    This DOESN’T WORK and it never will. Men have to step up and be providers and leaders and their wives would bless them for doing so.

  7. Just Me says:

    I need some help. I was a single parent for many years and recently got married. After years of working long hours, living frugally and aquiring no debt my world has changed greatly. I am no longer employed and my husband has a very good job. He has recently revealed that he has enormous consumer debt, which he had minimized. Everything above our monthly expenses is puchased on credit. I was not aware of this. It has been difficult for me to find employment due to our depressed economy.

    We need tools to get out of debt. I would like to learn how to use coupons effectively – though I have been studying it on the internet and it is very overwhelming.

    Please help me.

  8. David Bibby says:

    Just Me,

    I know this is a huge betrayal. You value being debt free and he may claim too, but then his actions speak otherwise. Here are some resources for you to look into.

    1. To learn about couponing, go to http://www.moneycrashers.com/coupons-from-casual-to-extreme , http://www.couponfedfamily.com , http://www.howtoshopforfree.net

    2. I would also recommend reading Dave Ramsey’s “The Total Money Makeover”

    You and your husband will now have to get on the same page financially. Is there anything else that he’s spending money on that you don’t know about? Do the two of you make enough or are you spending to much today?

  9. Just Me says:

    Well we have enough to pay our bills only nothing above. Food is purchased on credit. Please pray for us.

  10. Wanda says:

    Agree 100%

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