Husband, Your Wife Needs Financial Stability.

Gentlemen, please permit me to explore a touchy subject. It has to do with your wife and her job. In terms of providing for the family, I put that responsibility solely on the man in the relationship. Why? Because as MEN, that’s what we do. We ACCOMPLISH things and we BUILD things and we stay on top of things. At least we SHOULD be doing that right?

Your wife looks to you to provide the basic necessities of food, clothing, shelter, utilities, transportation, and a little excitement and fun. If you can do that, then your wife will be able to make the house into a home, raise happy kids, entertain friends and guests, and enrich the lives of everyone around her including you. However, if your wife has to help provide the basic necessities of life as well, then she cannot do these things.  At best, she may not be able to devote any energy into the home or to your marriage, and at worst, she may resent you BIG TIME.

Consider these scenarios:

1) A husband got laid off from his job and is on unemployment.  Meanwhile his wife is working two part time jobs.  She comes home from her 2nd job, then cooks, cleans, and gives the kids a bath.  Over the weekend she’s got the kids with her as she shops for groceries and runs errands.  On her way home she’s thinking, “Is this all there is??”

2) Another man works 40 hours a week and when he gets home each day, he see his wife for 20 minutes, then she’s off to work.  He puts a TV dinner in the microwave and starts heating it up.  Then he sits down at the home projector screen and watches some TV.  When his wife gets home from her job, he’s fast asleep in the Lazy Boy recliner.

3) Yet another man works 60+ hours a week.  His wife doesn’t work, but she spends her week chauffeuring the kids around to various soccer games and dance recitals.  On the weekends his kids say to him, “Can I have some money?” and his wife is spending time at the salon.  He thinks to himself, “What am I, an ATM?”

All three of the above scenarios have one thing in common: A lack of balance and no focus on what’s important in life.

The first guy is SURE to have some major resentment against him from his wife.  Because he doesn’t do ANYTHING.  If he can’t find a job, the LEAST he could do is help around the house or watch the kids or do the grocery shopping.  He has forgotten that financial stability is something he needs to provide FOR his wife.

The second couple is also in trouble, they both work to pay for their nice house and their awesome furniture and entertainment systems, but they don’t have time for each other.  Stuff does not bring happiness, so having both spouses working to pay for STUFF will not lead to a happy marriage.

The third man is flat out being USED.  He’s done too much of the PROVIDING that there is no QUALITY TIME with anyone.

So where is this balance found?

The balance is found in living below your means.  It is the MAN working to provide the basic necessities of life, plus a little extra to have some family fun.  It is the WOMAN nurturing the relationships and making the home a comfortable place for everyone.  When these things are not in balance, we see the following symptoms:

1) The man loses self esteem because he’s not providing at a level he should be.

2) The woman feels fear because the house and home are vulnerable to financial ups and downs.

3) The woman resents and does not respect a man who cannot provide for her.

4) The man and the woman are chasing happiness by going after material things.

5) The man and the woman have no time for each other.

Please don’t get me wrong.  I am not against your wife working.  I DO believe, however, that it should be her choice to work because she WANTS to and not because she HAS to.  All the money the man makes should pay for bills, food, and a little fun.  The money a wife makes, if she makes any at all, should be gravy.  The thing to remember is that a wife who works should always have the opportunity to QUIT working and raise children if life calls her to do that.

Did I ruffle any feathers?  Please let me know if you agree or disagree.  I appreciate your comments!

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  1. Potter says:

    I agree. The biggest reason why we have failed so much and this is a trap everyone has fallen into by society is that people do not live bellow their means.

    College loans, credit cards, mortgages, and car loans can be used for good. But ultimately they are setup to be a trap.

  2. David Bibby says:

    Thanks for the comment. Couples shouldn’t try to get too much too fast because then they will both be forced to work to pay for it all. This is a recipe for disaster to both your finances and your marriage.

    Men must lead the family in the direction for the greater good.

  3. Louie says:

    My wife is a stay at home mom. My salary is quite high so there is no reason for her to work. We feel that her energy is better spent raising the kids and doing volunteer work for the church.

    I am working hard at reducing my personal debts as per David’s eBook which I HIGHLY recommend to anyone that wants to be debt free. Provided that my job remains stable, we will be totally debt free in 3.5 years, which is about the time that both kids will be in school full time. After that, we will experience a huge up swing in quality of life. My wife will have more time and money at her disposal than she has ever had before. That may present me with some interesting new problems, but I will deal with those when I get there. She is already talking about a kitchen reno :)

  4. David Bibby says:

    Thanks for the comments Louie, and for the mention regarding my ebook. I’m glad things are working well for you!

  5. Anon says:

    I am posting this anonymously. Not because I am ashamed or because my husband doesn’t know this, but because I’m not going to “trash” him in public.

    He and I almost divorced over this when we really didn’t even know this was the issue. You see, he is “artistic” which is beautiful and fun, but doesn’t pay the bills unless you’re a savant or lucky. I am more “goal driven” and therefore had a solid career path that could make a lot of money for us one day.

    We thought it would work.

    It doesn’t.

    I do love when he can do something he loves, but I don’t want to shoulder most of the financial responsibility. I didn’t know I would mind so much. I didn’t know this would stress our marriage as it did. I found out that I wanted to be “taken care of” much more than I realized. I resented when he would flounder from job to job just because it wasn’t exactly perfect. I didn’t understand why he didn’t just tough it out–I mean, my job wasn’t all flowers and unicorns every day, but you work to pay bills…not for entertainment. =)

    There is a lot to be said for enjoying your work, but sometimes you have to provide despite how much you (dis)like your job because it is the responsible thing to do. He didn’t get that and I didn’t understand why he didn’t.

    We’ve worked it out. I’m still the breadwinner for now, but he’s working on a career path now that could really take him places. I pray it happens eventually because despite what I THOUGHT I wanted once in our lives, I really don’t want to do this anymore.

  6. David Bibby says:


    Thank you for your comment. I’m glad that you were able to put a finger on what was wrong in your marriage. There are more and more instances of “Role Reversal” in the world today. Women working to take care of the household and men unemployed and “holding out” for something better.

    This DOESN’T WORK and it never will. Men have to step up and be providers and leaders and their wives would bless them for doing so.

  7. Just Me says:

    I need some help. I was a single parent for many years and recently got married. After years of working long hours, living frugally and aquiring no debt my world has changed greatly. I am no longer employed and my husband has a very good job. He has recently revealed that he has enormous consumer debt, which he had minimized. Everything above our monthly expenses is puchased on credit. I was not aware of this. It has been difficult for me to find employment due to our depressed economy.

    We need tools to get out of debt. I would like to learn how to use coupons effectively – though I have been studying it on the internet and it is very overwhelming.

    Please help me.

  8. David Bibby says:

    Just Me,

    I know this is a huge betrayal. You value being debt free and he may claim too, but then his actions speak otherwise. Here are some resources for you to look into.

    1. To learn about couponing, go to , ,

    2. I would also recommend reading Dave Ramsey’s “The Total Money Makeover”

    You and your husband will now have to get on the same page financially. Is there anything else that he’s spending money on that you don’t know about? Do the two of you make enough or are you spending to much today?

  9. Just Me says:

    Well we have enough to pay our bills only nothing above. Food is purchased on credit. Please pray for us.

  10. Wanda says:

    Agree 100%

  11. Trappedfool says:

    My situation is similar to Anon. My husband and I are attempting to reconcile our marriage. We almost went through divorce due to infidelity on his part two years ago. He always have more than one reasons for why he does anything. When he was cheating he started the pattern of moving money out of my reach to prevent me from having the means to fight him legally. He moved assets into Trust and new entities and appoint people who are loyal to him to execute his wishes and have no connections to me. His goal was to stash away enough for his new life without me and make himself poor on paper in the event I found out about the infidelity and wanted a divorce.

    When I found out about the infedility I did try to get a divorce and despite all the dirty hide and seek tricks the outcome would have been fair to me. However due to my emotional state at the time when he asked for reconciliation without the attorney involved I agreed and cancelled the proceeding on the good faith that he would go back to being a loving, faithful and supportive husband. He understood our situation in which both his and my attorney dented our finance and I wanted to live smaller. He agreed he would contribute and convinced me it was in both ours and children’s best interest to reconcile. I wanted to believe him for the sake of the children who was deeply hurt during our fighting.

    It has been almost 2 years since and he has made no effort to contribute financially to the household. He owns several profitable businesses and has not taken any money from either to support us. He volunteer all his time to community service without pay. And plays the role of the guy married to the wealthy wife to his service brothers and sisters. I have to work really hard to keep everything going and his lifestyle of leisure when he has the money to contribute but refuses. His family and “friends” believes he is supporting his family since he seem to have turned over a new page. I suspect this is a grand scheme in which he is acting and when he plans for the right time for us to part ways, he will prove that I am the provider and pay alimony to him because he has a record of me being the breadwinner for two years.

    I have argued almost everyday with him how unfair that it is all on me. I am mentally tired and I do just want to be taken care of for a while. I should add I have always worked and contributed to our lifestyle and the business I do help his company survive and is not my passion. I am stressed about all my money going into supporting the family and maintaining our lifestyle while his is growing. And to rub salt in the wound he will tell me how money he is making from his companies and his Payless endeavors each day.

    There is no doubt I am resentful of him and know I am being taken for a fool.

  12. Julie Sims says:

    I am on medical leave and was fired from my job. My husband refuses to pay anything but the cable. Looks like I am forced to go back to work without having surgery.

  13. April says:

    I am also the sole breadwinner. My husband became too comfortable and no nagging will make him find a job. I lost my respect to him. It all started because he does not want to put the kids to a daycare but we agreed that he will work when the youngest will start school. It’s been total of 10 years that all he want to do is to stay home and do houseworks that’s not even well done. I am so tired of coming home to this.

  14. Stephanie says:

    Me and my husband are struggling with this right now. Normally we both work full time and it works, but lately he has been taking days off over and over, getting sick and taking 3 or 4 days off every 2 weeks. It starts as a cough and I warn him to take medicine he says it’s not a big deal and ends up losing a bunch of work. He refuses to go to the dentist for a cavity and ends up getting a tooth pulled because it’s absessed beyond repair, and again another 3 or 4 days off, in pain at home. I’m currently 6 months pregnant and struggling to have the energy to work part time. I also do all the house work and everything, which he leaves to me no matter how much I ask for help. I can barely get him to take out the trash. He barely makes $600 paychecks and I break down in tears terrified that we won’t be able to support this baby. He gets upset when I say he needs another job, he needs to make more, something has to change. He keeps saying it will and this is a temporary job he’s at but he’s been here over a year with no attempts for a better job. I make almost the same as him working part time, and am exhausted daily. I love working but I am scared because right now maternity leave just isn’t an option, we can’t afford it. I don’t know what to do but the baby is due in 3 and a half months.

  15. Marcus says:

    I have struggled with this. My first wife and I divorced because I couldn’t provide financial stability. She worked and I was attempting to complete an engineering program that I couldn’t afford. I’m doing better now, but my current wife makes twice as much as I do and feels like she does everything I have a comfortable job that I can work for 30 years and retire from. I have a flexible schedule and regular hours. I just don’t know how I my income can possibly increase enough to meet all of our needs. I would need to make at least $160,000 per year meanwhile, I struggle with the bills I do pay for the house and my wife is constantly disappointed in me. I suppose part of my challenge is I don’t want to give up time with my family to earn more money. I work a few hours of overtime and that seems like a lot. My wife doesn’t work any more hours than I do. She just gets paid more. I wrote a book a few years ago that hasn’t sold nearly as many copies as I thought it would. I thought that that might be my way out.. I’m still looking for answers. I truly want to be the best husband I can be.

  16. Icey314 says:

    I agree 100%! It’s sad that families are so out of balance. Everyone can decide their own family structure but on a firm foundation of agreed principles,lifestyle roles & emotional soundness. Great read!

  17. Alicia says:

    I’m going through this situation and it’s really eating at me. My husband and I are newlyweds. We just celebrated a year. When we first started dating he told me he wanted his wife to stay at home and he would be the breadwinner, but he hasn’t proven that to me yet. Since the beginning I’ve been providing. At first I was okay with this because he was still in school, but now I’m just tired because I feel the least he can do is get a part time job and help a little. I’m so dissapointed in him. And I’m struggling to respect a man that I have to take care of. I’m currently working 2 jobs and getting my masters. He graduated a month ago and is being so slow about finding a job. I feel that my parents and myself have been financing this entire thing. I’m thinking I may need to get out of this before I waste more time with him or worse get pregnant by him and have to support the entire family. I’m so dissapointed in deciding to marry him. I should have just stayed single. Any advice

  18. Tina says:

    My husband. We’re on the verge of divorce. I can’t do it nomore. Tired of constantly worrying and stressing. He doesn’t provide financially, like now we about to get evicted for the millionth time! He doesn’t take this seriously. Remind you, I just had a baby and have other little children. I have to find money to pay for things for me and my kids. I helped. Encouraged, motivated, tried counseling and everything, no good! Just fed up, his mother pays for his phone, his father pay for the car. I pay my own phone smh…I have money to help him with rent over 3,000 which was for to get an SUV that’s still needed, and he still getting us evicted. Can’t do this nomore…your opinion?

  19. Red says:

    Well I agree. My husband makes 100k a year. I make 33k. I choose to work. I have plenty of pto I’m afraid to use because my husband refuses to pay any utilities. He pays a portion of the rent. Tells me he don’t eat my food so he is not responsible to help with the groceries. He buys us nothing. My birthday and anniversary went un-noticed. I have grown to resent him. To me he is weak and reminds me of a petted woman. I have grown to dislike him and resent him. I am stressed every day because I finally told him I can no longer afford my portion of the rent. And now we may get evicted cause he won’t pay. I want stability so Ive been saving money just in case. But you are right. I resent him, and view him as not masculine at all. I might as well have a room mate I don’t have to clean up after. I was doing an Internet search for confirmation that the feelings I have are normal.