Gentlemen, please permit me to explore a touchy subject. It has to do with your wife and her job. In terms of providing for the family, I put that responsibility solely on the man in the relationship. Why? Because as MEN, that’s what we do. We ACCOMPLISH things and we BUILD things and we stay on top of things. At least we SHOULD be doing that right?
Your wife looks to you to provide the basic necessities of food, clothing, shelter, utilities, transportation, and a little excitement and fun. If you can do that, then your wife will be able to make the house into a home, raise happy kids, entertain friends and guests, and enrich the lives of everyone around her including you. However, if your wife has to help provide the basic necessities of life as well, then she cannot do these things. At best, she may not be able to devote any energy into the home or to your marriage, and at worst, she may resent you BIG TIME.
Consider these scenarios:
1) A husband got laid off from his job and is on unemployment. Meanwhile his wife is working two part time jobs. She comes home from her 2nd job, then cooks, cleans, and gives the kids a bath. Over the weekend she’s got the kids with her as she shops for groceries and runs errands. On her way home she’s thinking, “Is this all there is??”
2) Another man works 40 hours a week and when he gets home each day, he see his wife for 20 minutes, then she’s off to work. He puts a TV dinner in the microwave and starts heating it up. Then he sits down at the home projector screen and watches some TV. When his wife gets home from her job, he’s fast asleep in the Lazy Boy recliner.
3) Yet another man works 60+ hours a week. His wife doesn’t work, but she spends her week chauffeuring the kids around to various soccer games and dance recitals. On the weekends his kids say to him, “Can I have some money?” and his wife is spending time at the salon. He thinks to himself, “What am I, an ATM?”
All three of the above scenarios have one thing in common: A lack of balance and no focus on what’s important in life.
The first guy is SURE to have some major resentment against him from his wife. Because he doesn’t do ANYTHING. If he can’t find a job, the LEAST he could do is help around the house or watch the kids or do the grocery shopping. He has forgotten that financial stability is something he needs to provide FOR his wife.
The second couple is also in trouble, they both work to pay for their nice house and their awesome furniture and entertainment systems, but they don’t have time for each other. Stuff does not bring happiness, so having both spouses working to pay for STUFF will not lead to a happy marriage.
The third man is flat out being USED. He’s done too much of the PROVIDING that there is no QUALITY TIME with anyone.
So where is this balance found?
The balance is found in living below your means. It is the MAN working to provide the basic necessities of life, plus a little extra to have some family fun. It is the WOMAN nurturing the relationships and making the home a comfortable place for everyone. When these things are not in balance, we see the following symptoms:
1) The man loses self esteem because he’s not providing at a level he should be.
2) The woman feels fear because the house and home are vulnerable to financial ups and downs.
3) The woman resents and does not respect a man who cannot provide for her.
4) The man and the woman are chasing happiness by going after material things.
5) The man and the woman have no time for each other.
Please don’t get me wrong. I am not against your wife working. I DO believe, however, that it should be her choice to work because she WANTS to and not because she HAS to. All the money the man makes should pay for bills, food, and a little fun. The money a wife makes, if she makes any at all, should be gravy. The thing to remember is that a wife who works should always have the opportunity to QUIT working and raise children if life calls her to do that.
Did I ruffle any feathers? Please let me know if you agree or disagree. I appreciate your comments!